Happy Birthday to Me

Another year around the sun.  

When I was younger, birthdays were awesome day.  It was the day that I was essentially the princess of the family.  My brother is extra nice to me and can't get me upset or sad.  Its bad luck if you cry on your birthday.  If my brother gets in a fight with me, my mom immediately tells him he's wrong.  Mom also asks what i want for dinner and how to celebrate.  It was glorious. 

As years went by, at least the last couple of years, birthdays weren't any fun anymore.  It's nice to see people post birthday wishes on my Facebook wall.  Its nice to see those posts, despite how vacuous those were esp from people who you never ever talk to.  But still, i appreciate it.  However, the bigger is that each year, i'm reminded that I'm yet again one year older and I've apparently not made progress yet, esp compared to others.  I'm not married yet, have no family of my own, still renting a place, dependent on finding a roommate to help split the cost.  I'm still at job where i'm "transitioning" and not making big bucks where I can remotely think of maybe purchasing a place of my own.  My weight loss goals aren't achieved.  All in all, birthdays are another reminder of how I still haven't achieved much, esp compared to other my age around me.  It's a stark reminder.  Honestly, its come to a point, where birthdays are a tad bit depressing. 

So here's yet another year to my life?  How have  I progressed?  Ha, you bet.   I'm still unmarried, with no clear signs of when that status is going to change.  E. seems to be always dragging his feet, and makes me wonder am i wasting my time.  (But, i love him a lot, and can't imagine how hard it would be without him in my life.).  I still dont' have a place of my own.  It's coming up to 8 years now, renting in the same place.  In fact, I have to get a new roommate now coz Diana is gonna be wfh til end of the year and don't want to continue paying rent for a place she's not staying at.  I am nowhere near starting a family.  I've been trying to get egg freezing done for the first half of this year to at least maybe preserve some eggs before i roll off the ripe old age of "32".  COVID threw a curve ball, so even after like 5 months since the initial consultation, I still haven't been able to get the procedure done.  Though, i think today, i finally will be able to get started and take the first steps of the medication.  And lastly.. am I  thrilled with my current job and think i'm making good progress in my career and to a stage where I am happy? Nope. 

E. already anticipated that I was gonna be a bit sad on my birthday, as he has been witnessing the last couple of years.  I really appreciate him in remembering that and reminding me to not feel that way. As he says, birthdays are necessary to celebrate getting older.  Its a way to celebrate me, and the awesomeness I have achieved.  Give myself some credit. Don't compare to others.  

So here we go:

MICHELLE, 

Have an awesome birthday this year! You rock and keep at it.  You're going at your own pace.  Don't be affected by others zooming past you.  Just as long as you are working hard to make even one step of progress, that is good enough.  Remember all the awesome things you have achieved and most importantly have. 

I am grateful to have some caring friends in my life.... most grateful for Eugeue, Leon, Nga, Rocky.

I am grateful that I am mostly in decent good health. 

I am grateful that my dad, mom and brother are still here with me, doing well. 

I am grateful for still having a job, regardless of how "sexy" the job may be. 

I am grateful for all my remaining coworkers, who have all been very nice and helpful, to give me a stressful work environment. 

I am grateful that I seem to have found another roommate just in time to take care of Diana's place so I don't have to pay the full rent. 

I am grateful that I have a roof over my head and I don't have to worry about making ends meet.

I am grateful that today I start the first day of treatment .

In this upcoming year, 

I would like to learn to appreciate and give myself more credit. 

I would like to successfully declutter my apartment, and learn to let go of things (emotionally, mentally, physically)

I would like to be able to block out any negativity and toxic people in my life so I can find my inner peace. 

I would like to learn to not dislike others as much. 

I would like to start a family of my own. 

I would like to get better at my finances. 

I would like to get into a tier 1-2 company as a software engineer. 

I would like to have general better health (acceptance of my natural body weight, acceptance of thinning hair, no more body aches and pains)

I would like to develop some new healthy habits.  (decluttering, meditating, relaxing, etc). 

You've achieved a lot, and a lot more to achieve! Go get it girl!

I love you very much, 

Michelle